Landing with grace

This week the tide turned. I could actually look around my suite and say "Yes, I am home!" I have had exquisite moments this past two weeks of pure pleasure at being back in the city that I adopted as my own when I was 18. The routes are familiar, the sights are welcome, the ocean smells marvelous and everywhere I go there is a good possibility of running into someone I know. I just love being here.

I have contemplated how different it is for me coming back to this city after almost 6 years. I have heard from many people how difficult it is to get "in" to the circles of influence here or even just find a friendly group of people to hang out with. I experienced something similar when I first arrived 35 years ago and only ever ventured out in my own little groups over that time. This time, as I consider where and what my business opportunities will be, I realized that I come back into this city with a bigger sense of myself than ever before. I no longer feel intimidated by the layers of wealth and influence that coat the social scenes here. I feel confident in the gifts and talents that I bring and welcome the chance to let others know about them.

I have a calm sense of ease here. I appreciate that there is good work being accomplished by dedicated people and I am ready to add my energy to those efforts. I am delighted to be able to offer my thoughts and listening abilities to the people I love here. I am absolutely tickled with the opportunities to drop in, pop over and check with the ones I love!

I am optimistic about the success of my business as a coach, working from this place. I really like that I have a room of my own which is my office and will be my refuge as I continue to create it and decorate it and set it up for just me.

I truly appreciate my cozy little space, not perfect, but everything has found a place, mostly! There is a range of wildlife that is not entirely welcome, from fleas to a rat that has been sighted several times in our front yard. We will deal with them as much as possible.

Over this summer, I will reaquaint myself with old connections and actively build new ones. I will consciously create a group of active, interested, like minded compadres. By the fall, I have declared I will be experiencing financial well-being and more business than I need, projects that sustain that and fascinate me to be working on.

I am extremely happy to be here!!

photo credit to Ngawangchodron

We're on our way...

The human brain is just too strange, isn't it? The instant that my focus was taken off the task of finding a new home (okay, it might have gotten a little dramatic there in hindsight), I immediately began to mentally list all that I will miss about this one. Oh, the hummingbirds, what if it is too windy for hummingbirds down there? Oh, the calm weather, how will I live with the constant wind of Dallas Road? Oh, the cupboard space, how will I squish all my stuff into that small place? I am just never satisfied, it seems.

And so I am pondering that elusive state of contentment this morning. I know there is much more research available to examine the state of happiness and positive psychology. I even have "the power of kindness, The unexpected benefits of leading a compassionate life" by Piero Ferrucci on my desk and I highly recommend it. When I grabbed it and opened it to the last page that I was reading, I had highlighted this: "At the center of trust we find surrender...Letting go is a major spiritual breakthrough." I have been actively studying this topic and it definitely impacts my coaching in brilliant ways.

Let go and breathe.

Yet, in the back of mind (a cluttered and not so well-lit place), I have this thought that all my study, meditation, practice should be having this stick somehow. That I will be enlightened when I no longer allow myself to go down the dark tunnels and can maintain this higher way of being. This past few months of my life would have been much more enjoyable if I hadn't trundled down the dark alleys of upset and disappointment and lack of communication. But, on the other hand (I am a Gemini and I rarely lack the ability to have a complete dialogue in my head), my daily experience of life is SO-O-O-O-O much brighter than ever before. And that is a gigantic victory. I have glimpsed the power of "letting go" and it is a major breakthrough!

This weekend is the last weekend "off" for a while. The reality of packing up a whole household and the usual nonsense of moving is in the wings. I am steeling myself for finding more of my own income instead of it being handed to me and the challenges (and rewards) that will bring. But right now, on this sunny Friday, I will putter for a time in the office then take the time to enjoy this beautiful place, this "borrowed" home and the gorgeous environment here. Here we go....

photo credit to andrealechase

Just too much...

My time this past few weeks has felt extremely full and busy and I noticed that I was avoiding writing about the process going on in my head. Now, some of that has to do with my new focus and discipline in how my time is spent but in fact, I have been really working my way through a considerable growth period and like one of my GiST'ers (Grace in Small Things), the words have not been there to share.

The time has come to pack my carefully saved boxes in the crawl space, clear out the numerous cupboards and take my slightly less than 2 years worth of memories and move on. Disruptive, to be sure, but not entirely unexpected -this has always been my "borrowed" home. The intended destination is a neighbourhood near my darling daughter and her happy household which includes my ultra-adorable grandson - all good! Except, I don't know where I am moving to yet and that is driving me buggy! I can't believe my level of anxiety without a forwarding address. Okay, managing this (breathe in and breathe out). We will find a place - we do have a contingency plan and my mom has said that I can move home, if I have to.

Then, as a result of many risky (for me anyway - catastrophic disaster seemed imminent) conversations with my boss/colleague/friend, I am taking on new directions in my own business as a coach and dropping to a part time role at a reduced rate of pay (uh oh, skyrocketing terror, certainty of failure, major unworthiness complex) and this timing coincides with the move - to nowhere...

You may understand my teensy bit of reluctance to share all this. Why would anyone in their right mind hire a coach who is a person who practices Appreciative Inquiry and Grace in Small Things and Positive Outcomes and yet can barely stay upright because she is holding her breath til she turns blue or passes out?! And without an income, how will I pay the rent (not to mention groceries, car payments, phone bills and absolutely necessary bottles of Pinot Noir)? Oh my...

Okay, now I have let out all my worst fears and I am apparently not dead. Or, you are reading a message from the "other side" and I will soon be relating to you stories of what it is really like. Sorry, no insights from the unknown yet.

I am sure this blog will be evidence of how the crises of life become a funny story with enough time to get the humour. I determined this week that I actually can rely on myself - I have made it through every ridiculous circumstance up until now and although my choices were not always the brightest ones and I did suffer through some very chaotic times, I am here, I am well and I am loved. What more could I possibly ask for? (well, perhaps the ideal 2 bedroom home for the right price and 5 more clients next month and for the Canucks to win the Stanley Cup...)

Stay tuned - I promise to keep you posted more faithfully on my progress!!