One of "those" people...

 *photo credit to NiMal.13

This has been an interesting month - as in the phrase purportedly used a Chinese curse (Google makes an honest woman of me - can't mis-credit quotes anymore).  Yeah, I don't need too many more "interesting" months like that in my life.

I am viewing all of this as the Universe testing me, to see if I truly believe that blithely spoken "trust the Universe" that I have been on about all year.  Kind of in the same way that teenagers test the boundaries to find out if their parents still love them. ("Let's see, I have crashed the car, failed an exam and stayed out all night - how do you like me now?")  Once again, enough already...

Last night was a particularly sleepless night.  I was wrestling with all my fears, worries, anxieties about my situation and a niggling concern about giant spiders sharing my pillow (this is not unfounded; less than a month ago a humungous ugly spider was sitting right on my pillowcase, waiting for me when I pulled down the covers to climb into bed.  To my credit, I scooped him up in a glass with a card, carried him a long ways down the block away from my house and told him to tell his buddies never to darken my bed again, thus, earning "spider karma" which should prevent any of his/her kind biting me.  Okay, that part might be unfounded).  

I digress (not enough sleep).  In my restive state (which doesn't mean well rested, although it looks like it should), I called upon my Higher Being and Council of Elders that reside in my sub-conscious and asked how I should be handling this current state of affairs (no job, no money... well, not exactly, but close enough) and received some interesting insights:

     1)  In my declared statement of who I am (I will save the details of this for another post), I have said that I "call forth the integrity".  Integrity as defined by some on-line dictionary (thank you again, my friends at Google) as the state of being, whole, entire or undiminished.  That state of undiminished has not been my state of residence this month.  I have felt distinctly diminished and according to the the Wise Ones, "get over it"!
     2)  I don't need to be the counter effect for the bad stuff in the world - or for the people who talk about how crappy it is all the time.  Not my job.  Wisdom of the Circle - "Stop resisting the way other people are - that is their stuff.  If you spend all your energy trying to balance that in the world, you have none left for your own forward momentum."
     3)  The tide will turn today (mostly because that makes a lovely alliteration - "the tide will turn on Friday" has not nearly such an uplifting lilt).  Today, the opportunities will present themselves and if this is not immediately apparent it is because I am not "trusting the Universe". 
     4)  I have spent the majority of my life presuming that there are other people, "those" people, who have the luck, auspicious birthright, financial advantage, smarts or guts to be the winners of the world (cue Steely Dan - "I want a name when I lose...") and I am not in that group of the chosen folk.  Last night I wondered what it would be like if I was.  What if I truly was living this miraculous life that I have spoken of and here is the evidence.  (I am sitting in front of my little laptop, linked to the internet by a wireless connection, gazing out the window at the sun on the house next door, food in the fridge, money in the bank {albeit not a whole bunch} and the time and opportunity to pause and consider what is next in this curious life).  How would I view my life if I really considered that I was one of the fortunate ones?  (shifted my world just a smidgen).
     5)  I prefer not to spend my night discussing the state of the Universe with the Elders but once in a while can find the value in it.

This morning, although I notice a certain fatigue, I am in a different state of mind (perhaps province of intention is more accurate).  I have not yet gained mastery in this new environment of wisdom but there is a lightness of being today.  

My faith is back.

Wisdom, but at what price?

Hmmm, this morning as I was putting on my makeup - a daily routine that is always done with a little dialogue with the woman in the mirror (shout-out to MJ) - I considered whether wisdom is ever attainable without deterioration of the physical being? For I am finally figuring out some fundamental truths about me and life and at the same time discovering that I ain't as young as I used ta be...

So, I wondered if we ever recognize a sage in a young person or whether that is discarded as brash arrogance? And if that is so, which I suspect it is, what is needed to shift our awareness of wise people sooner on our path - especially if they are our peers or children, because wouldn't this be much simpler if we just accepted the messages from the universe that drip onto our heads 10,000 times until they leave an impression?

This actually just firms my resolve to live to 100, an active, happy, energetic 100 years where I actually get a chance to do something with my new found grace and awareness. Particularly because right now I don't seem to be very masterful in this realm - I need a few more years at least to gain some confidence and a lot more conversations with the bleary eyed reflection when I wash my face!

No lack of wisdom

1928 “When the great leaders of banking and industry can see no further than the artificial prosperity that comes to Big Business while those who toil on farms are getting no return for their labor, then indeed we have a right to question the wisdom of our financial leaders.” George Norris, in “The Farmers’ Situation, a National Danger”

Laying in bed last night, curled up next to my husband, safe, warm and ever grateful for this simple pleasure which I get to experience nightly, I had the the seedlings of this blog germinating in my head. I remember wondering as I drifted off to sleep about the circles and cycles of us simple creatures.

Every where you turn right now, you can read a quote from the 1920's & 30's which could easily be describing our situation today. And going back further into history, from this perspective, you can see the pattern repeating over and over. Many minds have come to this same conclusion (hence the interest in quotations from the time) and yet, here we are again - this always puzzles me. However, having observed my own tendency to mindlessly rerun the same behaviours that were not effective the first, second or third time, I am clearer on the apparent hard-wiring.

This is clearly not because we don't have the knowledge about how to interrupt - we most certainly do. Interfering with the habits which don't serve us is the basic premise of all spiritual growth so when do we actually put this logic into action?? This seems to me to be the next jump in our evolution - and the piece that needs that inexplicable leap forward - baby steps are not going to cut it!

Once again this esoteric conversation gets grounded in reality with me. Current status of "grammy-to-be" has this talk of evolution or extinction of our species seem very important. I am sending energy for this little person to have not only great brilliance but to gain practical wisdom at an early age. A generation of young people trained from birth in observing their habitual nature and getting that they have a choice - now that will make a significant difference. Perhaps that is the gift my peers as the elders can be sharing with our wee ones. Gentle reminders, as grandparents can, of the virtue of "wanting to do the right thing, in the right way for the right reasons" (from Barry Schwartz' talk on TED www.ted.com posted yesterday).

This is not very different than the talks I had with my Gammy - she always advised me to "get the work done first" and look for the best in people. Pretty good advice for a great life. I hope to be able to grandmother as well as she did. Oh, and by the way - the ultrasound today indicated we should expect a boy - woo hoo!