A baby is born...

My life changed direction yesterday - suddenly, inexplicably and completely. The wondering and pondering about the new role, the strange doppelganger experience of having your daughter pregnant with a child, the oddly remote sensation of touching her huge belly feeling the baby push back, the flashback quality of the memories of being in the same state - all of that is gone! The minute I witnessed that little human being on my daughter's chest, still attached to her physically but already interacting independently with his world, I realized in my bones that my world had shifted. I cannot wait to spend time with him, to talk to him, read to him, sing with him, laugh with him. From here, this vantage point of a generation removed, I get to be engaged with him from the time honoured status of grandmother.

Now, this whole "elder"thing has me a little daunted - it implies wisdom, experience and knowledge. Yah, uh huh, okay... not so sure about that part. However, I get a glimpse, no more than a glimpse, it is a gut level certainty about how connected we are - he is blood of my blood. I will have the privilege and responsibility for his safety in the world, his outlook on it all, how he will associate and communicate and how he will feel about himself. But I get to do all of this not from the intense, direct, sometimes overly myopic perspective of a parent but from over here where it is both a choice and a duty.

Being a grandparent - this is the playground where parents get to "do-over". I get the tremendous opportunity to be for baby Kai all the ways I wish I had been with my kids, knowing what I know now.

I am starting to get this whole circle of life thing (cue the Disney theme song...).

Finally, I want to acknowledge that I was able to experience this miracle of him being born, to have been of service to Tia and Jesse, who openly and willingly shared this incredible moment in their lives. They welcomed me to be with them, not as an observer but as an integral part of Kai's birth. I am humbled by this common occurrence that happens all over the world many times every day and each time results in this magical little being, whose life is just beginning; such unimaginable potential in their perfect tiny fingers, untapped brilliant thoughts in that sweet, little head.

I am blessed!!

Days of fog

Interesting that it took almost a week of fog, completely concealing Maple Bay, for me to realize that I, too, have been in a fog for the last while. Oh, I justify it with the "it's January" line and give myself all kinds of reasons that it is okay to be sleeping in and not out walking. This morning I realized how pervasive both the murkiness of the weather and my state of mind have been. As quite often occurs, the "aha" came in a coaching a client, for which I am eternally grateful for being a coach - I always get as much value as the person I am coaching. What became apparent was that the next year is going to be a roller coaster of ups and downs and the sooner I get onto the ride, the quicker I will be zooming along.

I have been resisting what is possible this year - looking at the all the rationale for it not being an extraordinary twelve months. This manifests in insignificant, petty, trivial behaviors that do not lead to action. I waste time, find "busy" work to do, avoid the steps that would have me being engaged. It is then a short jump to being discouraged and so very tired...

What I am committed to - all of us, connected, remembering and being known - won't come out of those well worn paths. It is only in recognizing and celebrating the incredible journey ahead, all the work, toil and energy it will take, that is actually going to translate into the fruition I desire. "Fruition": the manifestation of good efforts. That about says it all.

And how does this "aha" become the action? As we all love insights, especially juicy ones that shine such clarity on how it has been, my experience has been that it often stalls there. Well, my advice to a client would be - get a coach! Establish the structure to encourage the little spark of insight to stay lit. So, that is next - the first step I will take is the one I have put off for months - finding a coach for me. I am playing a big game here, I have declared that I WILL make a difference in the world. Best to have my team in place in order to win at this contest.

On the "Grammy" front (like "Grammy Hall", I love it) - my daughter and I went through bags of baby clothes last weekend - we had so much fun. Of course the ensembles we created for this oh-so-stylish little person were all for a boy as that is where the contributions had come from, and we are not yet clear on baby's gender, it grounded this miracle that is happening in our lives in reality. I wonder if this awareness that I have of the incredible nature of this event comes from being one generation removed? I sure don't remember having thoughts like this when I was pregnant. Must be the gift of being a grandparent. Whew, I am very grateful that I am not going through the physical-ness of having a baby inside me - I just get to share the intimacy of it with my very generous and loving daughter!