Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Grace in Small Things (#103)

Grateful for Today #103 - Weaving a Wednesday

~ a day of diversity - office to myself - bookkeeping that MUST be done (yuck) and a visit from an old friend this afternoon
~ being busy with details but stopping to notice that the sun is really shining this morning~ wondering if I can fit in a walk...
~ after reading a timely piece in Simple Abundance - Sarah Ban Breathnach (seems she has an online version now - of course!) about business travel, I am going to pack differently - making sure I am truly taking care of myself next week, instead of just enduring the travel
~ my husband tells me that he has a commitment to post something positive about his day every morning on facebook - do you think after 35 years I might be rubbing off on him??

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Hugs from a Virtual Community

I am now a Believer. I have shared in the past about my skepticism for the reality of a community based only on the pixels of a computer monitor. How could it be the real thing - you know, connected, loving each other, count-on-able?! How do we really know who is on the other side of that blog, email, IM, facebook entry? Well, we don't - this is not a flesh and blood, I know you because I hug you kind of circle. It exists because we believe what we cannot see. And we trust that instinctive connection that comes from sharing from our hearts with no actual evidence. We don't have to touch each other to be touched, moved and inspired.

This morning I experienced this in a whole new way. I zipped over to my Grace in Small Things Blog to write my 5 Graces/Gratitudes for the day only to find an entry from one of my fellow blogger's daughter where she wrote on behalf of her mom to let the community (in the fullest sense of the word) know of the emergency surgery she had undergone the night before. There was an immediate response from around the world - those on the other side of the date line got the news from the middle of the night in Canada first and we have rallied tremendous love, energy and prayers for Elaine. I was in tears after adding my piece and understood on a whole new level what is possible through this little box that sits by my desk.

My passion is "connection" hence the title of my blog - I am always looking for places where we are connected at a deeper level. From sitting here at my desk in sunny Maple Bay, I am able to reach out to people who I love all over the world. This would have been called a miracle by my grandmother's mother who saw her daughter leave on a boat and didn't come back in her lifetime. I can take a photo on a digital camera, send it to my mom in an email for her to see her great-grandson in a matter of minutes. And I haven't caught up to the webcam, live action technology yet.

Wow, I am very clear that I am blessed. Blessed by all those around me, near and far! Reminded by a daughter who followed her mom's directions to send a message out not knowing " "how it works or who is out there..." We are, Talia, we are here!!

Friday, September 18, 2009


On a Friday afternoon, after a busy, good, but busy week, I am in contemplation of time. Presumably, this becomes a more relevant topic the older you become as I have reached the stage where it is whizzing by and I am often caught by surprise by the date. September 18th, already?! That means that fall is here and Christmas is around the corner (cue the barrage of ill-prepared Christmas dreams that for some reason are recurrent in my dream library... seriously, I dream over and over again that it is Christmas day and I haven't bought a single present, or food for Christmas dinner and the stores are closed! What does this mean?!)

I know that I could research and learn a lot more about time being relative (and the meaning of dreams) but what is a fact is that I have an experience of time stretching, being truly elastic in nature and allowing me far more comfort in dealing with the deadlines and tasks of my days. So, in contrast to the amazement I have at the zooming calendar pages (remember how they always showed time passing in the old black & white movies - calendar pages flying off the pad - who even has those pads of calendar pages anymore??), I have an ease and sense that there is time for all of whatever I need to do. Is this true? Frankly, that doesn't matter - I experience it that way and that is what counts for me.

As much as anything, I believe this relative serenity about time (time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' into the future...) has been achieved through letting go and actually meditating regularly. (I do hate when I actually stumble upon what other people have known and practiced for many years - it makes me feel like I should have gotten it much sooner in my life - better late than never) I relate to time entirely differently when I am sitting - even for 5 minutes. Amazing! And you will be pleased to know that I am resisting trying to convert all my friends and family to my newly discovered truth and insist they all practice meditation and yoga - although I do mention it in my GiST blog regularly.

Any-whoodles (as my delightful Bloggy friend Extranjera would say), it is time to move on to another project. Thanks for reading my thoughts today!!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Dog days of summer?

I wondered today why I have been noticeably absent from blogging - writer's block? change of focus? don't wish to bore you with more mushy exclamations about my exquisite grandson? I determined I am suffering from the 'dog days of summer'.

I have often wondered what that means (ooh - quick googling - ahem..."refers to the hottest, most sultry days of summer. In the northern hemisphere they usually fall between early July and early September"...- thank you Wikipedia) okay, so now I know! And it isn't early September any more but the sultry weather seems to have returned. Which I am thrilled about. But I know even in my most unwilling-to-accept-reality moments that these days are numbered and the numbers are dwindling - then it will be winter!

And I didn't really expect to still be here in my 'borrowed' house a year later. And I hadn't really thought beyond the move back to the island and getting going in a new direction. In fact, I have never been very good at making long term plans and then following through on them. So, what does this mean? Well, in a fable that impacted my consciousness at an early age, the Ant and the Grasshopper, I have always emulated grasshopper more than ant - hence the lack of significant retirement savings and solid means for my 'golden' years.

Now, I imagine there are a number of 'ants' out there right now whose carefully stored savings went for a powder in the last year and whose equity in the their homes vanished as quickly as the summer sunsets, so Aesop may not have the last laugh. I have no regrets about the uncharted, often unexpected expeditions in my life. I have learned to land on my feet, be grateful for what I have, be creative and responsive to opportunities and have confidence in my ability to weather the storms (holy mixed metaphors, Batman!). My desire to put down roots and plant a garden and adopt wayward cats comes to me rather late in my life. Better late than never, I figure. I am finally ready to putter about a little homestead and be happy with projects and knitting - and yoga - in my home.

So, Grasshopper, what now? (asks the wise Crone in me that I am learning to listen to). Well, as the dog days of summer wind down I am actually quite prepared for the winter. I am undertaking training and development - physical, professional and spiritual; I am looking forward to the miraculous growth and changes in wee Kai; I am improving my diet and taking on a cleanse for my body and spirit and I am already anticipating spring and the return to the long, hot days of summer. And it will be fascinating to see where I am this time next year!

Friday, September 4, 2009

How to be a mama AND grandmama?

Seems all my posts lately begin with a deep sigh, a pause, then a moment of considering...hmmm. At least that is what I am doing as I sit and feel my fingers on the keyboard in preparation for typing out my thoughts (now you have the visual, too).

As much as my darling daughter is feeling her way on the unmarked path of being a mom, I am fumbling around, trying to figure out how to be a Grammy. Again, no manual - what is with this?! And my natural instincts guiding me?! I simply have none - I don't know how to do this. Oh, I get the cuddle the ridiculously adorable grandson bit - that is really easy. But the how to listen without advising (yeah, I know, as a coach I am supposed to be well trained in that) (but this is so personal and close), how to offer opinion without sounding like telling, how to let her find her way without rescuing? I am at a loss. I just want to help...

And I do have advice, I want to tell her how to do it and I do want to rescue her - that is the mom part of me. Sheesh. Just like my amazing son-in-law (acronym SIL - just figured that out, ok, I am a little slow) observed during the middle of a less-than-comfortable night with babe, "I didn't know it would be this hard". Uh huh, that is it in a nutshell - being a parent is not for the faint of heart.

And I think (ohh, I notice that I don't even want to type this), just like I had to bite my tongue, sit on my hands and manage my heart in watching my daughter grow up, I have to let them figure out this part too. They are already incredibly dedicated parents, committed to the physical, emotional and spiritual well-being of their son, ready to sacrifice and surrender to this process. Surrendering to a new life - to all the spills and thrills and sleepless nights. Accepting the tears and boo-boo's as well as the smiles that light up the world and laughter that is surely from the angels.

My role is to stand aside; to be available but not intrusive; to honour their willingness to take on the responsibility and to be gracious when they ask for help. We are all learning how to be.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I invite you to begin again

September 1st - this has big significance for me every year. It doesn't matter that my school days are long past and that even my children's school days are a vague memory - this date means back to ... something. And what comes to mind is my dear friend Liann's saying of "I invite you to begin again". This has gotten me through more rotten times than I care to count.

We all fall off the wagon, in many ways, at many times in our lives. That wagon has been my metaphor for exercise, diet, schedules, organization, bookkeeping, housekeeping, letter writing and phone calls. And without knowing that I can begin AGAIN I would be a great deal more lost than I am. This is not to say that I don't feel misguided and misdirected on a daily basis, because I most certainly do, but lately I have had the sense that I actually know where I am going.

My writing, my meditation, my thoughts, even my menopause is purposeful. I can sense this direction in my actions, working towards a vision and while I struggle to articulate exactly the destination, I am certain there is one. This is different than ever before.

Okay, I do understand that this all sounds very vague and somewhat "woo-woo" but it is like my blog on God (waiting for perfection before publishing), the rumbling procession of my life seems very profound - to me. Stay tuned for details...

So, September 1st is perfect - the absolutely exactly correct date to begin again.

Photo by: DerNette Alex