Sunday, July 11, 2010

out of the satisfied daze...

Seems that there was something very satisfying in arriving here and just being in a city that is so familiar and beloved. My time was happily spent being near family and friends, exploring a new, yet old neighbourhood, walking streets that I used to walk 30 years ago when I lived nearby. I was happy just being here.

One must not become complacent seems to be the lesson as circumstances are shifting again and new challenges await. I awoke this morning, consciously holding the details of a dream where I had arrived into a position where I no longer had to worry about money. That my years of lists of expenses and income were a thing of the past and I could just relax and work and play without worry. I wanted to hang on to that sense of confidence and knowledge of having created the situation that I had been seeking for so long.

I determined a little while back that the measure of reaching that milestone would be I would no longer have those carefully scribed post-it notes of figures in backs of notebooks, with either plus or minus signs to indicate whether I was winning or losing the game. I have done this since I can remember and with a few times of respite when the numbers seem to take care of themselves (or my earnings were more than sufficient to cover the costs), this has been a monthly ritual.

What becomes clear as I write this is the sacred importance I have placed on this ritual. It is no wonder that not much has actually shifted from this circumstance over the years given how faithful to this practice I have been.

Without the time to actually consider what else, I will not jump too quickly to another way of managing the money but in this clarity, I can see how I have not served my intention of abundance with a bi-weekly accounting of scarcity.

More thoughts to ponder - a new ritual to invent...

2 comments:

Donna, Doni, Lady D said...

I do think you have stumbled on to something there, Carol. I have issues with money as well. Not sure how to clear them up either. I just seem to keep loosing chunks of the stuff. Once we are aware, the work can begin. Good luck. I'm working on it as well. xx

Ruth said...

It can be a fun challenge to come up with a new mantra, then practice it until it is a new habit. I know you'll come up with something good. What a beautiful place you've moved to.