So this is Christmas

So this is Christmas... another year over...

Each time the traditions change, I have to manage myself a little and let go of how it is "supposed to be".  Christmas is the time where I am the most attached to my perfect little Currier and Ives images and have to remember that I am an evolved human being and I do know that life doesn't always reflect those pictures painted from someone's equally tradition-laden imagination. 

This year, on Christmas Day, I am sitting tapping away on my laptop while trying not to listen to the soundtrack of a DVD that would never be my choice for entertainment on this day of families and dreaming of white Christmases and carols tinkling away in the background.  I mean, really?! Resident Evil?!  It is a good thing I am committed to being married to this man for the rest of my life... where is Jimmy Stuart when you need him?

And tonight my dear children are celebrating with their significant others and their families and no one had a large enough home to include the growing circle of children, in-laws and friends.  I realize that it would take a community centre sized space with a commercial kitchen to prep the dinner of that size and while we might tackle that kind of mega-event once a decade or so, truth is that future Christmases will all take a different shape. This has been shifting over this past decade and I officially passed the torch (and 5 or 6 boxes of decorations) to my daughter after the darling grandson was born so I have been winding up my time as Ms. Claus.  This year we enjoyed a fabulous dinner together on Christmas Eve, clearing space for other activities today.  Christmas morning was just awesome with the new easel being a big hit for the grandest boy.

I truly got the message 4 years ago when we were renting the biggest home I have ever lived in, in an amazing rural wonderland and I went all out to create the ultimate family gathering, only to have a good old fashioned blizzard and some challenging family dynamics have the whole family bugging out at 8 am on Boxing Day, leaving me with way too much food and booze and an absolutely perfectly decorated home (I did pay attention to the details on the Currier and Ives cards!).  As I sat with tears running down my cheeks, my sweet husband reminded me that he was still there and we could have wonderful leftovers while overlooking the fantastic winter scene through the giant picture windows, framed with twinkling lights.

Good opportunity to be grateful tonight though... this has truly been an amazing year and reflecting back on the past blogs, my life has continued to unfold in miraculous and wondrous ways.  I sit at the end of this year, having completed 2 years of my first efforts of post-secondary education, with an A+ average and an Advanced Diploma in Human Resource Management to show for it.  (My next adventures in higher learning are coming soon - but that will wait for another time to post about). My work is evolving into exactly what I want it to be - the time spent, the people I work with, the challenges we are undertaking, the potential both for growth and great compensation.  My relationships are all feeling full and lovely and complete.  I adore my home, pausing often to give thanks when I walk through the door for a home that just feels right.  I love and support my adult children as they go about their lives with a healthy balance of involvement and objectivity.  My dear husband is transforming his health through determination and commitment and looks better every day.  My mom is well, slowly fading as I would expect at her age, with a stubborn insistence on living independently and so far we have been able to provide her with as much assistance as she needs relatively simply.  My grandson is perfect and I treasure each moment I spend with him.  We have a regular playdate each week and now include games of imagined friends and stories and so much laughter.  I feel so incredibly fortunate to have this time with him while he is still in love with his Grammy.  Our time together just melts away effortlessly.  

Tomorrow night I will host a gathering of dear friends for a Boxing Day celebration.  Many of us shared a delightful dinner on the Solstice with wine and incredible conversations.  Having more access to my friends this year is more to be thankful for.  We have reached that eclectic age where we can both wise and silly - what fun!

And so, this is Christmas in all of its splendor and grunge - in a time where we pause to think about Peace on Earth, I bring my focus and attention to sharing my good fortune and spreading my good will around even further next year. 

Ponderings on the end (or beginning) of the world...

So, here we are, 18 days away from either the end of the world as we know it or a glorious new entrance to the next era for mankind, depending on who you talk to.  Now, I was visiting the Yucatan peninsula 13-14 years ago and came upon the Mayan prediction at a time when I was deeply engaged in exploring all aspects of my world, including Mayan ruins and deep, clearly connected to the earth cenotes on land that roared to me with its spiritual importance and significance.  It just made sense; of course, the end of this time was upon us, it seemed quite obvious. And was I called to being there, in the shadow of the ancient Mayans for this very important transition? Hell, yes!!

But life happened... businesses were sold and started and failed and marriages began and ended (not mine, by the way) and a grandson was born and I changed careers, went to school and moved a lot.  And grand plans of the ultimate excursion to bear witness to the Mayan prophecy in situ with each and every person that I love has become an intimate dinner with 5 or 6 of my dear friends where we will ferociously debate this time and place over wine and great food and fully expect to wake on December 22nd with little noticeable alteration to the landscape we gaze upon.

Will that be it?  Is that all that will become of this potential to transform our planet overnight?  There is no question that I sense a building energy around me; observe it in all my coaching clients, loving relationships and world politics, but like the quantum physics question - did our observation of this condition change the state of it or is there a natural progression of human beings that we have the privilege of bearing witness to?

I choose to believe; partly because I get to choose what I believe, that we are in the company of a very small number of humans who will have an opportunity to be alive at a time of momentous change.  We have already seen the madness of Y2K and lived to describe it (or did you party like it was 1999?) and this next step feels like the maturing of humans.  Like the time of adolescence for any species, there are some of us that are entering into it kicking and screaming, digging our heels in and fingers clawing at the doorway.  This evolution is inevitable or like Darwin observed, we too will come and go as a species and some entity like David Attenborough (okay, now imagine David in a more insectoid form) will be describing at length the marvels of the Homo Sapiens and pontificating upon their downfall.

It does occur that there is some urgency over these next precious days to be being in a way that allows this shift to happen with some ease and grace.  Perhaps that is the blue skying daydream.  Birthing, maturing, changing are not easy or simple states to pass through and while I sit here typing away (interrupted by not one but two of my loved ones in challenging circumstances reaching out for some assistance), I will need to apply all of my appreciative powers and wisdom and knowledge, without hesitation to "hold space" for us all.

These rare points of alignment of celestial bodies and peoples' passionate desires for a world that works are not to be wasted.  In the next 18 days, I will take on a conscious awareness in each of my interactions and communications.  This time is not like any other and it won't ever happen again.  Carpe diem was never more important!  

See you on the other side!!

Musings on the passage of time...

As I logged on to my blog for the first time in months and found that the environment I was familiar with had changed, it did occur to me that there is a metaphor here.  No surprise that my own landscape, both internal and external has gone through significant shifts in the past year too.

I observe that I have spent a great deal of my life waiting for it to start, you know, for real, the good stuff, the life that I have been anticipating etc.  And at the same time, I have been engaged in the practice over this past decade of being mindful and present in the moment, so that sense of being suspended waiting for something or someone to make the difference so I know I am living the right life is no longer so prevalent.

I maintain a marvelous sense of satisfaction in my life, for the most part.  I am living where I want to live, enjoy the shared, created space that living with family affords me.  I work at several occupations, each of which nourishes me in a different way.  I continue to attend post secondary education (for the first time in my life) and have discovered I am an excellent student and have been able to apply my education in real life since the very first class in this program.  I am delighted by time spent with my grandson and have begun to have whimsical and and interesting conversations with him.  On the other side of the spectrum, I have the privilege of participating in assisting my aging mother and often have whimsical and fascinating discussions with her.  I have discovered a depth of love and acceptance and wonder in my marriage of 33 years.  I will be planting a garden for the first time in decades and look forward to harvesting food and having fresh cut flowers for my home that I have grown. 

I read this article by Andrew Cohen yesterday and found myself moved to tears.  This passage "This is not to deny ... that we have enormous problems to solve and unexpected disasters to face. It’s just that if they’re right, we have good reason to feel a lot better about ourselves and our collective future."  I find that I feel guilty about being optimistic in the face of what seems like overwhelming bad news that we see at 6 o'clock each night.  Recent events in my life and in those around me have given me an opportunity to consider that my perspective of faith in humans and our capacity for love and compassion is not misplaced. 

All in all, life is good.  After checking in on what condition my condition is in, I am happy to report that this has been a most excellent year.  Taking more time to share how this is for me is in the works for this next year!  Thanks for reading.