Thursday, May 7, 2009

Considerations on the walk through viewing of my life - redux

Just had the first walk through of the house, while I was sitting here...
ohh - hating technology right now - just completed a lovely blog post and then deleted it accidently because I wanted to get rid of a flippin' photo... ARGHH

Will now and try and recreate my thoughts...

Having the realtor and her clients peering in every cupboard, checking out every nook & cranny, peeking into my walk in closet, snooping in my bathroom and discussing the merits/drawbacks of the house that I am borrowing, I became very aware of my reaction and apparent need to have a home of my own! A home without a landlady upstairs, discouraging planting a garden and very territorial about the flowers that are there; one where the board of directors doesn't have the power to determine that my lifestyle and life don't "fit" in their co-operative community; one where there is not a For Sale sign in the yard advertising the fact that I will have to move, likely sooner not later. A home where I can unpack my stuff and recycle my boxes and settle in.

I find that that tears shine in my eyes when I type that - a reaction that isn't completely surprising given that my horoscope (thank you, Georgia Nicols) and numerology (thank you, Janyne Sinclaire) have clearly stated this is the time to sort out my home base and get grounded for the future, but the intensity of the emotion is unexpected. Having "the" home was about 4 1/2 years into the next 5 year plan, given that being able to qualify and pay for a mortgage was the prerequisite for the purchase. Seems that this has jumped the priority list and now is the time for contemplation of what that means.

Home - an inquiry about distinguishing the significance of that word has begun. What makes where I live my home? Well, here are the key elements:

- Unpacking, settling and not moving for a long time

- Proximity to the people I love

- A kitchen conducive to cooking with and for said people

- In a neighbourhood that I want to hang out in

- In an environment that calls me to be outside and active

Everything else is up for grabs and becomes the wish list - these are the deal-breakers. Oh yes, and SOON is the timeline. Which is timely as I have committed to examining the 5 year plan this weekend and coming up with the framework and how it will merge with the business and corporate plan also in the works.

So knowing the bank account balance and lacking a fairy godmother in the closet (maybe the realtor left one...), imaginative and creative solutions are called for. And respecting my very visceral reaction to other people, potentially the new owners, viewing where I live, a degree of urgency for resolution arises.

And I knew that - I am not a happy gypsy and honestly, the last 10 years have been about contemplating moving, planning the next move, packing and unpacking, but not throwing away the boxes as they will be needed again - it really is time to come home.

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