Third Eye Blind

Before my son or anyone who actually followed alternative music in the 90's gets excited, I am not writing about the band. Let 's be clear about this, I don't think I could tell you any succinct fact about them or their music, so this is not a tribute to a "Semi-Charmed Life" (and I had to google that - apparently it was their peak moment).

What has occurred to me is that I may have never exercised my own third eye. In meditating during my yoga practice this last while, I have become present to the idea that I have actually been resisting anything that might have to do with intuition or higher awareness. It might even explain the deep wrinkles between my eyebrows (struggling to keep that eye closed?!) and at the very least I have become conscious observing the world from a different perspective.

As I explore my own capacities and be willing to accept my power in the world, I am naturally drawn to others who are traveling this path. Books, music, fellow bloggers, many conversations point in this direction. Of course, this all comes at a time when it appears critical that actions follow the dialogue and we don't simply bliss out on the good intentions.

My own essence expressed in reality, the spirituality that is dawning in my practice is being articulated to others. Not only am I awakening to my reverence for the Universe but I am revealing it to the outside world. My third eye is opening!

The best part about this whole discovery is that it is not significant or meaningful. This element of my life comes with more humour and sense of fun and wonder than ever before. I am happy like I was when I was five years old and the it was simply enough to be playing every day.

I keep looking for and acting on opportunities that have me sharing this joyous aspect of my life - I celebrate what is right in the world today!! I do live a Semi-Charmed Life, now it all makes sense.

It was 30 years ago today...

Grateful for Today #113 - it was 30 years ago today...

that my magical son was born... my graces today are for him:

~ that he has become this incredible man who acts, reads poetry, loves deeply and makes people laugh
~ that he follows his heart - knows why he is on this earth - and what he is good at
~ that he has beautiful hands, long elegant fingers and uses them in expression of his words (when he was a teeny baby a very funny old lady that rode the bus with us exclaimed over his long fingers then -she said he would play the piano...)
~ that he calls me "Mama" and writes me these beautiful notes and poems and cries when I send him notes and poems back
~ that he is such a great big brother for his sister and tender uncle for his nephew and loves to experience harmony in our family

Happy Birthday my son!! (okay it was yesterday, but I had to share!)

Moments of contentment

If you had told me 10 years ago that I would think my life was full and busy with a calendar week that shows work/yoga-work-work-work/yoga-work-help kids move and evenings spent watching the new season on the tele with my husband - I would have suggested you find some other dumb woman to foist that life off on! And - surprise - here I am, experiencing periods of pure enjoyment and peace with my existence.

I pondered this morning whether the ability to recognize the brief twinkling of contentment is a function of age or whether it could be taught or shared. In our world of zoom-zoom, it certainly makes sense to me that the more we slow down and appreciate these junctures that zip by in a jiffy, the less destruction we would wreak upon our planet. Having considered that, I will make sure to be discussing this with my adult children and absolutely engage with baby Kai because I just know he will be examining and marveling over the little things in his world.

I also heard yesterday of a mom of teenagers who has started her own business, is movin' and shakin' in the corporate world, working on her PhD and loving every single minute of her life. And at some ridiculously young age (well, from this cron-y perspective...). More power to her and viva la différence! The capacity to not go to the comparison which diminishes me and what I have accomplished and the significance of the achievements of others is the foundation of this place of contentment. I have made myself mad with determining where I sit on the chart of success, to the point that I virtually stopped talking in situations where I was unsure of myself. At least, that is how it occurred to me, but interesting to review those memories with some degree of objectivity and realize that I never actually held back when I had opinions, when I considered there was something at stake, something I was passionate about.

So, another lesson in the curriculum of serenity - regard your past with rose coloured glasses, odds are you weren't all that bad. Hmm, perhaps there is a treatise on this subject inside me. I will ponder that a little more. My immediate reaction is there are far too many books on wisdom out there and little practiced in the moment!

The reflective nature of this past weekend allowed me to truly distinguish how grateful I am for my life and beyond that how marvelous it is that I have constructed it this way. For I do believe that we build our lives, sometimes consciously, mostly with a blindfold on, like kids playing pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, fumbling for the right place to stick our tails. This bit of enlightenment washes warmly over me, sitting here at my computer, in just the right place, at just the right time. There is a smile on my face.

ps - thanks to Flickr - the photo at the top was just the perfect picture to frame this blog - the credit goes to kk.

Blank screen - grey sky

Yes, fall is here, there is no denying it. And I admit a degree of frustration with my apparent inability to manage the emotional reaction to the steady downpour and endless clouds over the Bay. Perhaps I should have counted my 5 Graces first this morning...

I am tired, a little wrung out actually, like a slightly worn facecloth with the edges fraying. I have been on a long run for me, many days in a row being "on" in one arena or another and well, I ain't as young as I useta be. Which, of course, leads down a different tunnel with no cheese as my friend Charles would say.

Extranjera wrote a particularly moving piece this morning about a young woman taking her own life. Given the landscape of my life with precious young people around me who are challenged and still aware of all aspects of the world, this struck home and I am letting myself dwell for a short time on a bleak and less than optimistic horizon. I have discovered that resisting this feeling and pushing away the dark thoughts as unwelcome visitors only prolongs their stay. Life is cyclical by nature and on this very dull day, I am allowing myself to be at the bottom of my bounce.

I am confident in the rebound of the ball and when I close my eyes and allow the Power of the Universe to move through me, I can take a deep breath and move strongly into my day. The tone of the sky has warmed and the filtered light on the arbutus is glorious. The trunk where the bark has peeled away over the summer is bare, like skin and it glistens in the rain. It is still and quiet outside, the rain falls straight down onto a ground that welcomes the moisture and prepares for the resting time of autumn. Namaste.

Ponderings on family...

As I sit in my mother's dining room at her computer in a house that I grew up in, I am cannot help but think about family and connections. Everywhere I turn here there are a gazillion memories and I slip into being at home here so easily. I know where everything is (the fact that the house was frozen in time in 1974 does help with that), I have a great deal of comfort in being with my mom and we really enjoy each other's company.

I always convince her to drink red wine with me - she always insists that I have dessert with every meal and we find lots to talk and laugh about. I didn't always experience this degree of serenity in this house and some of the memories are of the struggles and troubles that every family experiences. The sting has gone from those years and what is left is a tender sweetness about all the times spent here.

My mother seems somehow timeless and although she seems a little more frail each time I visit, she is organized (balances her chequebook every month!), has a curious and enquiring mind, enjoys cooking and eating food that she has prepared (with a little assistance from M & M Meats) and harvested potatoes from her garden which we relished for dinner tonight. I have trouble imagining her not being waiting at the door for me when I arrive with a hug and some quick quip about how much luggage I am dragging into the hall. Having her here in this house has been a constant for me for all of my life and I have learned to treasure it - and her!

I did not get a chance to hug my children and grandbaby today and I miss them. The last time my daughter and I were here with my mom, my daughter was newly pregnant and as we all stood in the kitchen, we realized that the fourth generation was inside her and we marvelled over that. Now that grandbaby Kai is this powerful force in my life, I would love for my mom to hold him and have a chance to see this new blood-of-her-blood. I told her at that time that my dream would be to have ALL of my family close enough to touch regularly (like living on the same block would be good!). My mom, in her typically independent style, said that was my dream and she didn't share it - keeping her home and staying in it was most important to her and that would keep her a time zone and many kilometres apart from us.

I am coming to terms with all this - allowing each member of my family be who and how they want to be. I will continue to participate in having my dream realized - I hold this wonderful image of my mom, my daughter, my roly-poly grandbaby and me playing in a garden all together in the sunshine. Seeing that become a reality next summer would be very sweet!!