Saturday, September 10, 2016

Showing up in the world

As I notice my reluctance to complete the task of polishing my website so it is shiny and ready to be seen widely in the world, I get to consider what may be behind my hesitation.  I have always thought of myself as an introvert, a shrinking violet and an easily forgettable little person.  I have come face to face with a different person who seems to bear little resemblance to who I know myself to be.

I have tackled my Masters program with zest and enthusiasm and it has resulted in academic excellence.  It turns out that I am pretty good at this school stuff and I love the challenge of expressing myself in a scholarly manner.  More than that, it has been impossible not to notice that I have an impact on the groups/classes/cohorts I am engaged with and that my input and opinions have been welcomed and appreciated.  Not something I expected.

The fact that my MBTI came in solidly as an extrovert and no one else was surprised is another indication that I may not have been as self-aware as I claimed to be.  How could I have missed what others have clearly seen?  What would have me want to be invisible and keep pretending that I am?  I am reminded of trying on a pair of pants in a shop last summer and the clerk saying that I should try on the small.  I said, no, that couldn't be and she said why wouldn't you want to be a size small?  In pondering on that, I wonder why I wouldn't want to be out there and overt instead of covert?

Well, I won't get all therapy-like on you here, as much as I am sure there are explanations in my childhood.  Suffice to say that I am ready to be conspicuous and noticeable.  Launching my website with my newly branded self is a great next step.  Stay tuned, here we go...

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