just plain confused or the State of Limbo

Having found out that I am not moving imminently - meaning not in 3 weeks, I am feeling more and strangely, less settled. I guess I had wrapped my head around the moving idea and even though I was less than thrilled with the timing, I was ready to find a new home and get on with the next phase. So, now we are back in limbo, the 'for sale' sign still stuck in the front yard and there was even a scheduled viewing of the house by more prospective buyers (which, fortunately, got cancelled so I could putter about my kitchen without being banished by the sales agent).

Limbo - (Latin limbus, edge or boundary, referring to the "edge" of Hell) is clearly intended to be an uncomfortable place. Nobody gets all cozy and snuggled up in Limbo. One would not likely vote for staying in Limbo for very long. Limbo, as a destination, would not rate very many stars. And Limbo is where I live, which explains my various states of anxiety and distress.

Since I have resolved to embrace Wonder in my Life during the year 2010, this requires joyously taking on all aspects of said Life. Therefore, I need to get sorted out with this Limbo-thing. Which probably requires some conversations with my boss/colleague/friend to clarify the house sale situation. Then, I can figure out exactly what steps I want to take this year to be where I want to be, not just where I am currently perched. I have received coaching from several people that I admire to be deeply and consciously considering this next step and to have the choice come from a place of following my heart not being convenient.

So, moving out of Limbo is the intention for the first part of this new year. Destination to be determined... stay tuned!

Managing life

That has always been my approach - to "manage" my life. A quick visit to my favourite English language site - Wordsmyth netted the following definitions:

1. to direct, control, or administer.

2. to contrive or bring about.

3. to accomplish or succeed in, usu. despite some difficulty.

Hmm, not much creative or exciting about that style of living one's life, is there? Scarce wonder that running that playbook for the last umpteen years has had my life look like veering from one struggle to the next, narrowly avoiding crises and disasters and with very little sense of fun or accomplishment. (Okay, I may be exercising my right to hyperbole as my life has not been all that bleak, as you may have gathered from reading my other posts.) However, it does allow for me to consider that another strategy for being a fully expressed, wondrous marvel of a human being is timely and not a bloody minute too soon!

So, in the realm of resolutions, a procrastinator like myself (yes, that is another one of my charming attributes), I have come to see that a very simple statement of resolve for the new year and decade might be: I embrace the experience and wonder of being alive!

The last week has opened my eyes in any number of realms. I have been reminded of Helen Keller's quote on Security: "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure." I have noticed my expectations of the world around me and I have uncovered my core belief that there are choices in this world and the ones I make DO impact my immediate circle and beyond that, ripple out in ways that reach so far that I cannot imagine or predict.

It took me more than a week to cogitate and ruminate over the events affecting my 'borrowed' house and the manner in which the changes are coming about. I needed to allow the drama to fall away and the emotions to scale back to see with clarity what was at stake for me. Seeing the actions and reactions of the people involved, I allow my ability to be compassionate and also bring my own sense of responsibility to the situation. What is there for me to say to express my thoughts and feelings and how can I affect the outcome in a progressive and generative manner?

I am also left with the power of intention - focusing on what is possible and pushing energetically for a result. Now, if I could just intention away about 15 lbs and create more time and energy during the day...

credit for the photo to imoongypsy