Tuesday, July 21, 2009

A baby is born...

My life changed direction yesterday - suddenly, inexplicably and completely. The wondering and pondering about the new role, the strange doppelganger experience of having your daughter pregnant with a child, the oddly remote sensation of touching her huge belly feeling the baby push back, the flashback quality of the memories of being in the same state - all of that is gone! The minute I witnessed that little human being on my daughter's chest, still attached to her physically but already interacting independently with his world, I realized in my bones that my world had shifted. I cannot wait to spend time with him, to talk to him, read to him, sing with him, laugh with him. From here, this vantage point of a generation removed, I get to be engaged with him from the time honoured status of grandmother.

Now, this whole "elder"thing has me a little daunted - it implies wisdom, experience and knowledge. Yah, uh huh, okay... not so sure about that part. However, I get a glimpse, no more than a glimpse, it is a gut level certainty about how connected we are - he is blood of my blood. I will have the privilege and responsibility for his safety in the world, his outlook on it all, how he will associate and communicate and how he will feel about himself. But I get to do all of this not from the intense, direct, sometimes overly myopic perspective of a parent but from over here where it is both a choice and a duty.

Being a grandparent - this is the playground where parents get to "do-over". I get the tremendous opportunity to be for baby Kai all the ways I wish I had been with my kids, knowing what I know now.

I am starting to get this whole circle of life thing (cue the Disney theme song...).

Finally, I want to acknowledge that I was able to experience this miracle of him being born, to have been of service to Tia and Jesse, who openly and willingly shared this incredible moment in their lives. They welcomed me to be with them, not as an observer but as an integral part of Kai's birth. I am humbled by this common occurrence that happens all over the world many times every day and each time results in this magical little being, whose life is just beginning; such unimaginable potential in their perfect tiny fingers, untapped brilliant thoughts in that sweet, little head.

I am blessed!!


sarah m said...

congratulations! i am so excited to have been watching the little news updates and now to know that this new person has arrived.

i am really loving the tags "circle of life, do-over." ha. perfect.

Unknown said...

As I read your blog tears welled up in my eyes and my heart broke. You are so blessed. I was not able to have children. It will always be my one regret. Wait - I must clear the tears so I can continue. My sadness is your joy. Thankyou for sharing this awesome moment with me. Love and Hugs Brian

Extranjera said...


And regardless of the Lion King crap now playing in my head, I loved this post. You must be so happy.

Big hug.

Anonymous said...

Well said, Carol! I know what a momentous experience it is to be present at a birth; there's a timeless element that can connect us back to our very beginnings. And congratulations to Tia and Jesse for bringing little Kai through the transition into thislife. Blessed Be.

Anonymous said...

How fabulous is that! I hope I have enough space here to complete this thought. I was doing some reading today from my old RRU Systems notes; for a work related problem, when I came across this very academic definition of Love...and I quote. "The domain of relational behaviors in which the other arises as a legitimate other, in coexistence with oneself." Pretty heady stuff, but on reflection the ecology of birthing is so much like that. We recognize this new person as a legitimate part of ourself and our mothers and grandmothers etc etc, just like forest or desert ecosystems that grow, mature, die and are reborn; an epigenisis: very similar to, but ever so slightly different from ourselves. How often I see myself and my siblings, parents and grandparents in my children and grandchildren and how comforting and curious to know we are all connected and at the same time so totally unique. I know you are going to sooo enjoy the new member of your clan. Congratulations and enjoy!! Love Maggie